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Here are posterous posts filed under twitterhumor...

Internet Strategist says...
Jan 01, 2009

Best Nude Twitterers of 2008

Best NUDE Twitterers of 2008

The new year is here and with Twitter now revealed as a significant tool for many businesses, organizations and social media lovers... it seemed appropriate to pull back the covers and see if I've posted anything of interest...  even the most insignificant diddly-squat of a Tweet that may have engaged a followers eye?

Here we have it... my "Stripped Down to the Skinny" top nine posts (Twitter and my Posterous blog) for 2008* 
*list based on a secret algorithm of clicks and birds tweets recorded by my bird feeder.   

The Best

Nine 

Unbelievable 

Diddly-squats

Engaging 

Twitterers of 2008

HERE THEY ARE...

  1. Twitter Invented in 1935? Who would have thunk!
  2. Social Media Defined - Like you've never seen before!
  3. Hitler Twitler... "I haven't laughed like this in a loooong time, so funny I nearly choked on my drink watching"
  4. 100 Twitter Tips Not Likely Known by the Gods of Twitter.
  5. OMG... 'Twas the night before Twitmas...
  6. Twitter Tool of the Twitter Gods: "MyTwitter Toolbar"
  7. PART 1 thru 3: You know you're a Twitter addict when...
  8. Mobile Marketing Joke: Mr Online and Mr Offline are sitting in a bar...
  9. #1 Most reTweet Tweet: "Followers are fiction..."

Here's to the New Year...
And May all your 2009 Twitterings be reTweeted!

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Internet Strategist says...
Dec 28, 2008

Mr. Universe Recommends Dan Hollings: Shorty Awards 2008


 
Click to vote via Twitter:
http://budurl.com/myshortyvote

Filed under: Twitter Humor
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Internet Strategist says...
Dec 22, 2008

Are You Twitterpated?


DEFINITION: twitterpated

  1. to be completely enamored with someone/something. 
  2. the flighty exciting feeling you get when you think about/see the object of your affection.
  3. romantically excited (i.e.: aroused) 
  4. the ever increasing acceleration of heartbeat and body temperature as a result of being engulfed amidst the exhilaration and joy of being/having a romantic entity in someone's life.

When he smiled at her, the rush of warm, fuzzy, excited sensations that filled her made her realize she was completely twitterpated with this man.


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Internet Strategist says...
Dec 19, 2008

You'll get a "kick" out of this... Infant Kicks Messages from Womb to Twitter...


Attention Pregnant Moms & Expecting Dads
Forget Basic Tweets... It's Time for Twitter Kicks!

There's something special about pregnant women's bellies that make so many want to touch them, says Corey Menscher. The presence of a child inside the womb is mysterious because we only have visual clues to its presence. Yet we know that if we press our hand and wait patiently, we may be greeted with a physical manifestation of its existence by feeling the baby's subtle (and not so subtle) movements inside.

As an expectant father, Corey felt once-removed from the physical knowledge his wife had of his baby and its development. 

With the Kickbee, Corey wanted to create a device that would give me a chance to be aware of our baby's movements. It can also aid in tracking the frequency of fetal movements, which is an important way to monitor the health of the developing child.

The Kickbee is a wearable device made of a stretchable band and embedded electronics and sensors. Piezo sensors are attached directly to the band, and transmit small but detectable voltages when triggered by movement underneath. An Arduino Mini microcontroller transmits the signals to an accompanying Java application wirelessly via Bluetooth.

What better way to really kick this thing up a notch than connecting it to Twitter!

See the actual Twitter Kicks here:

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Internet Strategist says...
Dec 08, 2008

OMG... 'Twas the night before Twitmas...

'Twas the night before Twitmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, 'cept the ol' wireless mouse;
The Tweetlings were twhirled by Twitterers with care,
In hopes that St. Twitter upon Tweetdeck would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While Twittervisions of twitter-posts danced in their heads;
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my Twitter cap,
Had just checked our timeline before a long winter's nap,

When out in the Twitterverse there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to my computer window I flew like a flash,
Booted up my browser to see what tag had been hashed.

The glow on the screen of all the newly posted tweets
Brought a lustre of joy as I sat in my seat,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature post from a well-known reindeer,

Retweeted in moments, so lively and quick,
By a jolly ol' fellow by the screen name, St_Twit.
More rapid than eagles his Tweets they came,
And he tweeted, and twerped, and posted their @ names;

"Now, Yammer! now, ReJaw! now, Jaiku and Friendfeed!
On, Pownce! on Mashable! Identi.ca and Utterli!
To the top of TwitterGrader! and to Facebook's great wall!
Now tweet away! tweet away! tweet away all!"

One hundred and forty characters in earnest I typed,
Over and over again without hype,
And up on my friend list my followers they grew,
After reading Twittin' Secrets, yes all 100, mind you!

Whenst came a little twinkle, I heard on my iPhone
That Twitterrific twingle that shook like a cyclone.
As I drew in my hand, to flip my phone around,
Up on my touchscreen St. Twitter's Twitpic came with a bound.

He was dressed in faux fur, from his head to his feet,
Like the twitterer of all twitterers, and I was dying to retweet;
A bundle of twitter apps he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a jolly twitterer straight from TwitterPacks.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like rosy @ signs, his nose like a Twitterberry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

His stumpy little fingers looked tweet-worthy for sure,
Like a happy twitter addict not seeking a cure;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
Perhaps the result of too much beer at some deli.

He was chubby and plump, atop Twitter wallpaper of elfs,
And I laughed when I saw this, in spite of myself;
In the wink of an eye, another flip of my iPhone,
As quick as it came, his tweet was now bygone.

He had twittered his tweet, then twittered back off to work,
I'm sure he's off twittering; to other kind tweoples and (a few) jerks,
And now my Twitter fingers are again twitchin' to tweet,
And I'm giving the nod, before I turn up the heat;

You should spring to your keyboard, and get ready to tweet,
Be it replies, direct messages, tweetlaters or retweets.
For the last thing St_Twit posted before he flashed out of sight,
was a message to Tweet: "Happy Twitmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

by Dan Hollings

Click here to post this to Twitter: 
http://budurl.com/Twitmas

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Internet Strategist says...
Nov 29, 2008

PART 2: You know you're a Twitter addict when...


PART 2: You know you're a Twitter addict when...

  • Your favorite breakfast is Corned beef hashtags and eggs.
  • You've petitioned ICANN to create a Top Level Domain (TLD) consisting of ONE LETTER (.t) specifically for saving space on Twitter posts.
  • Even though your neighbors have complained, you insist your newly painted Turquoise house brings character to the neighborhood.
  • When really mad, you sometimes call people names like twitface, twithead, son of a twit or twailer park twash.
  • You're confident that Barack Obama will create a cabinet level position; Secretary of Twitter (and you're in the running).
  • You don't sleep anymore, instead you catch Twitter-naps of about 140 seconds so you don't miss any updates.
  • In an attempt to shrink your Twitter posts even smaller, you've asked your Pharmacist if they carry "Preparation T."
  • Your next home MUST HAVE a Tweetdeck overlooking a bird sanctuary.
  • Your next car must get 140 MPG.
  • In the tradition of AA you've started your community's first TT meeting (Twitterholics Twanonymous)
  • Once after a long Twitter maintenance outage, you contacted the hospital emergency room to see if they could give you your Twitter feed intravenously.
  • When your neighbor called you a bird brain, you actually thought it was a compliment.


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Internet Strategist says...
Nov 29, 2008

PART 1: You know you're a Twitter addict when...

PART 1: You know you're a Twitter addict when...
  • Twit Happens
  • You're constantly tying to improve your twex life.
  • Each morning, your Tweet before your first cup of coffee.
  • You vote hourly in the Twitter "Shorty Awards" (for yourself :-)
  • You're convinced that Samuel Clemens was addicted to Twitter and it influenced him changing his name to Mark Twain. 
  • When your cat had twelve kittens, you told everyone she had a "twitter."
  • You spend up to 140 minutes a day reading the dictionary... almost totally in the "tw" word area.
  • You've considered (more than once) naming your kids, Tweedledee and Tweedledum.
  • You're on the verge of publishing a new math book called, "Twime Numbers" where you prove that the numbers two, twelve and twenty can't be divided by 140 without causing twouble.
  • You're working on a looney undercover plot to save Tweety bird from  the clutches of Sylvester the cat.
  • You've socially bookmarked this page: 
    http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/tweet
    and go there often to click the audio pronunciation button.
  • Your idea of a fantastic evening is watching your Twitter timeline update in high definition while eating a frozen TweeVee diner.
  • You've studied The Twits by by Roald Dahl and found great Twitter insight.
  • Your idea of monetizing Twitter does not exclude blackmailing tactics

CONTINUE TO "TWITTER ADDICT" PART 2...

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Internet Strategist says...
Nov 29, 2008

PART 3: You know you're a Twitter addict when...

PART 3: You know you're a Twitter addict when...

  • You're lobbying "Funk and Wagnalls" to make the official definition of "twitter" less trivial.
    DEFINITION: Twitter
    http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/twitter
    1. to utter a succession of small, tremulous sounds, as a bird.
    2. to talk lightly and rapidly, esp. of trivial matters; chatter.
    3. to titter; giggle.
    4. to tremble with excitement or the like; be in a flutter.
  • You dream in short fragmented sentences that contain tiny URLs linking to other dreams.
  • Your entire resume is 140 characters long.
  • Your definition of "infinity" is a text box allowing an unlimited blog post.
  • You've asked your interior decorator if she has any Twitter blue wallpaper designs for your dinning room.
  • When recently asked if you follow Jesus, Mohammed, or Buddha, your response was, "hold while I check my Twitter friend list."
  • The bumper sticker on your car says, "Follow Me."
  • You think the perfect match at eHarmony would be a guy with a shout URL.
  • You think the perfect match at eHarmony would be a girl willing to show her twits on the first date.
  • You're hoping your state never passes a law that prevents Twittering while driving.
  • Your doctoral thesis was entitled, "The Glottochronology and Retrograde Evolution of Language from Archaic Hominids to Twitter-like Neanderthals in a Postmodern Techno-Society." Unfortunately, it took you so long to squeeze all that into 140 characters, you missed the submission deadline and have yet to graduate.

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Internet Strategist says...
Nov 28, 2008

LOL: 8 silly Twitter jokes that are funnier than He...

Twitter addict receives phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, 

"I have some good news and some bad news."
Twitter addict, 
"OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, 
"The good news is, you've got only 24 more hours to live."
Twitter addict, 
"Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, 
"The bad news is, Twitter is down."

- - -

Teacher: "Bob, what is this thing they call Twitter?" 
Bob: "What do you think it is, Sir?" 
Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!" 
Bob: "I don't think I know either, Sir!"

- - -

Girl: What is it about my Twits you like?
Boy: Frankly I'm still forming my opinion, the first two were great and I'm looking forward to seeing more.

- - -

Guy Jumps in Taxi. 
Driver: I guess you're in town for the big Twitter convention?
Guy: Yes, yes.. and I've learned so much!
Driver: Any pointers you'd recommend?
Guy: Yes, follow That_Car. 

- - -

Sally speaking to answering machine:
Hey Nancy, Twitter was down this morning, when you get this message can you call, I'm dying to know what you had for breakfast? Thanks.

- - -

Twitter Novice to friend:
Hey Deborah, I don't get it, if Twitter only allows 140 characters, why is it so popular. Most good Disney cartoons have more characters than that?

- - -

Twitter-head Explaining Twitter to a Newbie:
OK, let me paint a picture in your head... Twitter is like cramming 140 of the whackiest characters you know in to a little room with turquoise walls, and then asking them to sing like the Birdman of Alcatraz in falsetto.

- - -

Doctor Tweeting to a patient: 
'Your tests came back; You are very sick' 
Patient Tweets back to doctor:
'Can I get a second opinion?' 
Doctor Tweets: 
'Yes, your Twitter page is ugly too.' 

- - -

ADD YOUR OWN TWITTER JOKES IN COMMENTS...

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