The Story of Tiger Woods, as told by Usher (updated).
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Why is no one questioning why it took Tigers accident for all of these women to come out? Really? The porn star kept quiet this whole time?
via Pixelpipe
Letterman's Top 10 Ways #Tiger #Woods Can Improve His Image #LoLx
10. Crash a state dinner at the White House.
9. Change name to more adorable “Puppy”.
6. Instead of sweat shops in Asia, have Nike merchandise made in a sweat shop in the US.
4. Safely land golf cart in the Hudson River.
3. Release list of women he did not have sex with.
2. Find Osama Bin Laden.
1. Blame Letterman.
lovehate: Tiger Woods
Tiger,
I don't hate you.
I don't love you.
I'm not a fan of yours.
I don't golf.
I don't watch golf.
I do care that golf is perhaps a more boring television sport than NASCAR and that most weekends I can find 12 hours of golf tournaments on television while most worthwhile television dies a quick death.
I don't care that you screwed around on your wife any more or less than I'd care about some guy across town doing the same thing with his wife.
I don't care that your SUV took out a couple of telephone poles and trees.
I don't care that Nike pays you millions of dollars a year.
I don't care that you're an icon.
I don't care that you're better at a game any more than a Rubik's Cube champ or the winner of the Nathan's hot dog eating competition.
I do care that so many other people care.
I do care that as the world goes on without the soma-induced couch potatoes watching re-enactments of your driving lesson failures, people are actually suffering, starving and dying while your cell phone messages have somehow become more interesting than ALL of the following headlines over the past couple of days:
- Three major stances in Copenhagen climate change negotiations
- Indian PM heads to Russia seeking closer ties
- House fire kills five in Russia's Urals
- Tehran criticizes Swiss minaret ban
- Philippine troops arrest dozens under martial law
- Philippines seizes more ammo in the south
- Surge puts Pakistan in a tough spot
- Prepare for the long haul in Afghanistan
- Several killed in Pakistan blast
- Pakistan buries victims of Rawalpindi mosque attack
- Guinea leader's accused assassin in hiding
- Netanyahu makes final push to foil Swedish plan to divide Jerusalem
- Ailing Thai king calls for unity on 82nd birthday
- Morales Seeks to Continue Bolivia 'Revolution' After Vote Today
- US envoy due in Seoul on N. Korea nuclear mission
- US Marines press southern Afghan offensive
I understand that people sometimes need distraction and so they watch you enact a skill that you do better than anyone else in the world.
I would not dismiss your talent or your dedication to your craft.
I just wish you'd had as much dedication to your wife.
Not that I care.
But when you clog up the already congested arteries of my television with the spewing crap that is your life, it annoys me.
And I do care about my television.
As sad as it sounds.
Drive into all the telephone poles you like.
Just stop driving into my living room.
P.S.
I don't know your wife.
I don't care enough to even look up her name.
But I've seen pictures.
You idiot.
Dude, she's hot.
I've got about a dozen variations on golf puns right now.
But I'm missing my favorite fishing show.
Note to Tiger
Dear Tiger,
You proved many of us wrong when we imagined that at least one superstar could actually keep his life straight. While affairs can be expected from overally doped up baseball and basketball stars, it's hard to imagine someone with your discipline could fall off the wagon as well.
I especially imagined you to be someone with exceptional dedication and time management skills, because no one else can grieve his father's death and comeback to win a Major, or come off the sidelines after an 8 month injury and play like nothing's changed, and still have time to be father and husband. But I didn't think your time management left room for dirty texts, affairs with cocktail waitresses. As an avid golfer myself, I know the game requires a sharp aptitude besides athletic ability, but somehow you managed you leave both your discipline and intelligence on the golf course during all your "transgressions."
In your defense, one might say that Tiger's human as well, just like us. Fair enough. If you'd thrown your club at a spectator, gambled (I'm sure you can afford it), even gotten pulled up for DUI, all would have been well and yes, you would have still proved you're human and susceptible to error and misjudgement. But betraying the wife cannot and should not fall in the same instances of imperfection and being just human.
But at the end of it all, I'll still be fan because no one play's golf quite like you. My caddie here in New Delhi made a rather dramatic statement in your praise when he said, "Usko toh bhagwan nai sirf golf khelne ke liye dharti pe bheja hai!" (Translated: God has sent him to Earth simply to play golf!). However, at least I won't be in awe of your discipline and time management skills any more (I thought the AMEX add 'Rainy Day' was what your work ethics and discipline was all about, but it seems that only caters to one part of your life).
On a closing note, I remember reading Paul Newman's profile after his passing; well know for his devotion to his wife and family, when asked about infidelity, he famously quipped, "Why go out for hamburger when you have steak at home?"
Think about it Tiger!
Regards,
Ritwik
P.S: I'm still hoping all of this is media hogwash and your apoligies on your website are for some other "transgressions"; perhaps you let your family down by driving like a maniac?!
The Buzz Log - Tiger Watch: Who's Who? - Yahoo! Buzz
Rachel Uchitel
Tiger Watch: Who's Who?
by Mike Krumboltz4 hours ago
2,976 VotesCall it the crash heard 'round the world. Tiger Woods' car accident has led to many stunning revelations and a lot of rumors that won't go away. The golf legend has made his mea culpa — for the rest of the story and gossip tidbits, people are looking online. Below, we take a look at some of the drama's key players in Yahoo! Search and their rumored roles.
Elin Nordegren
The wife of Tiger Woods has been thrust into the Search spotlight over the past week. While no stranger to gawkers (she was once a model, after all), this level of Search attention has elevated Ms. Nordegren to a whole new level of public scrutiny. Over the past week, Web lookups have soared an astounding 2,832%. Additionally, related Searches on "elin nordegren pictures" spiked to new heights. She has yet to release an official statement on the sordid affair.Jaimee Grubbs
In Tiger's boilerplate apology statement, he mentions "transgressions" that have let his family down. Though Tiger hasn't named names, Jaimee Grubbs has more than volunteered to explain her part in the troublesome situation. A Los Angeles cocktail waitress and former participant on the VH1 reality show "Tool Academy," Ms. Grubbs claims to have had a lengthy affair with Woods. Additionally, she has gone on record as saying she has pictures, hundreds of risqué text messages, and even a "frantic voicemail" from the married golfer. Searches on "jaimee grubbs" and "jaimee grubbs photos" have both shot up from zip into the tens of thousands overnight. Last word: Claims to have had affair.Rachel Uchitel
In contrast to Ms. Grubbs, Rachel Uchitel has strenuously denied the allegations that she and the world's best golfer have hooked up. Still, that hasn't stopped the Searches. Lookups on "rachel uchitel" and "who is rachel uchitel" have both rocked the Search box, as curious searchers seem unwilling to take her at her word. Time magazine has an interesting article on Ms. Uchitel. The 34-year-old nightclub promoter is reportedly "aggressive" when it comes to meeting celebrities (her mom claims she once dated Derek Jeter and A-Rod). However, in an exclusive interview with the New York Post, Uchitel has denied the allegations of a romance with Woods, even going so far as to offer to take a lie detector test. Last word: Denies affair.Kalika Moquin
Lastly (or not?), there's Kalika Moquin. A relative newcomer to the Tiger watch, Ms. Moquin was named in Life & Style magazine as having romantic links to Tiger. As soon as that possible connection hit the Web, searches on Moquin roared into breakout status. Though her connection to Tiger is still just a rumor, folks clearly want to know more about her. Life & Style explains that she works as a marketing manager at a Las Vegas nightclub. According to the magazine, when Moquin was asked about an alleged affair, she neither confirmed not denied it, saying, "It's not appropriate for me to comment one way or the other." Last word: No comment.
via buzz.yahoo.com
I sense Tiger's career going down the tubes now. The media scrutiny during his matches will be tougher to handle than ever before.
