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Without Chiplomacy We Are Lost!

June 8, 2009 |

After wasting an afternoon taking pictures of a broken tricycle, moss on trees, and the shadow of a wrought-iron fence, Churchill Alternative High School senior Jessica Ivers falsely informed family and friends Saturday that she was getting into photography. "I love the way real film looks," said Ivers, who has owned the old single-lens reflex 35 millimeter camera for exactly one week, and named as her favorite photographers "probably Diane Arbus" and the French guy who took the picture of the boy with the wine bottle. "I'm really fascinated by textures, and I think I'll be able to get some good shots of my grandma's hands this weekend." Sources close to Ivers expect the camera to join her clarinet and yoga mat under her bed once she pays $14.85 to develop the roll of clumsy, overexposed images.

Fed Bans Debit Overdraft Fees

The Federal Reserve is prohibiting banks from collecting overdraft fees on purchases paid with a debit card unless customers opt in to programs that guarantee their balance-exceeding transactions go through. What do you think?

Marc Mercer,
Tour Bus Driver
"Well, okay. So long as I still get penalized for using my credit cards."

Kelly Jolicouer,
Commercial Construction Estimator
"I usually send them a few bucks when I go over, anyway, just for their trouble."

Ray Mason,
Unemployed
"I guess banks will just have to make money the old-fashioned way: selling bad mortgages and causing a global financial collapse."

God love 'em.  America's Finest News Source weighs in on the Fed's ruling on overdraft fees.

Spurred by an administration he believes to be guilty of numerous transgressions, self-described American patriot Kyle Mortensen, 47, is a vehement defender of ideas he seems to think are enshrined in the U.S. Constitution and principles that brave men have fought and died for solely in his head.

The Onion does it again. Why do so many "patriots" seem to have failed to actually read the Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, and seem to have no knowledge of history?