"Tell me of the conquest oh Arjuna, and not of the battle."

Yeah, I couldn't decide which title would get more attention so I used both. (When you come to the fork in the road, take it! - Yogi)
Anyways, So how do you get an investor to pay you? Simple. You differentiate yourself from everyone else who is grubbing at my money.
I'll tell you what I hear, "Blah, blah, I have no idea how I'm going to pay you back, blah, blah, in fact, I'm not even worried about it cause, blah, you're rich, blah."
Now comes the hard part. You thought everyone else was also differentiating. You think everyone who wants venture capital finds a way to differentiate. And yes, from your perspective, this is 100% true. Each competitor wrestling for the same dollar you need has a different approach than you do. But not so from my perspective.
Writing a business plan that needs external venture capital is like setting out on a one month journey with only one day's water - Ancient Master of the Obvious
"We simplify communication through advanced networking."
"We accelerate complex negotiations with experience."
"Confident selling through knowledge ownership."
"Live video learning"
"What are you doing?"

Now imagine you are the guy that the above five companies are trying to squeeze money from whom the above companies are trying to squeeze money. Don't they suddenly all sound like they are saying the same thing?

I'll tell you what I hear, "Blah, blah, I have no idea how I'm going to pay you back, blah, blah, in fact, I'm not even worried about it cause, blah, you're rich, blah."
Venture capital funding is just like sex. I'm not gunna put out unless you can get some elsewhere! - Ancient Master of the Obvious

None of the above value statements tell me what I am most interest in. They all them me what YOU are going to do. Let me explain this more directly, I don't give a flying fuck what YOU are going to do! (It's ok. I'm sure that's from a movie.)
So how do you craft a five word value statement? This is the hard part. Identify all of the main people you are trying to squeeze money from and tell each of the different groups exactly how THEY are going to get paid using the same five words in each case.
In kung fu, let's say you're going against a monkey style master, a snake style master, and a tiger style master. Sadly, you can only pick one style to overcome all three. Which style can defeat all three? Monkey style is high, snake style is low, tiger style is medium. So use dragon or crane style! Dragon flys above them all and crane can do all three levels! DUH! (To any real kung-fu masters, I know this is pure bullshit. It just fits so well!)

http://edufire.com's "live video learning" sm is perfect for students. But it doesn't tell me, an educator that I want to join because I can actually "get paid bitch!" To survive and thrive, edufire must do both. Edufire must bring students and teachers together the way eHarmony brings xenophobic, antisocial, balding men and (balding) women together.
Any idea why everyone including Time Magazine thought Twitter was nonsense for years (which actually turned out to be a good thing since they are still having infrastructure issues)? "What are you doing?" Sucks! I mean why do I care what you are doing? (See above "flying fuck" movie reference). If Twitter changed their SM to, "Doing something different?" or "Doing something confidential?" or even just "Doing something naughty?" The world wide masses who have all had their imaginations slurped out by watching five hours of TV a day (and now hulu) would actually be able to make the chasm-like cognitive jump in reasoning, "Oh!, I get it!, I'd be able to get the highlights of what's going on with everybody!" Ding! Ding! Ding! "Wait, that means that I would know what's actually happening in my field/industry/keyswappingring"

Finally, @Whiteboardsell seems to have a powerful message and product. But based on a 2 second glance at their website or mocked SM, I couldn't make it out. I'll tell you why. Let's imagine i'm a client. "Confident selling..." tells me that the Whiteboard guys are going to help me sell confidently. 1. THAT already makes me defensive. "I AM confident!" I'd say as I cross my arms and take a step back. The "selling" part tells me I may not make a penny. It tells me that I'll sell confidently but no guarantees as to whether I'll actually get the SALE.
You see? You MUST talk to my own personal interest. All I want is the SALE. The selling part is the worst part of it all. Selling is my nemesis. Selling is where I fail most often. Selling is just a necessary evil. "Tell me of the conquest oh Arjuna, and not of the battle."

I was going to go to town on the second half, "through knowledge ownership." But I'll leave it here. Suffice it to say that I don't give a (insert movie reference here) HOW YOU do it. I just want to know HOW I get paid, bitch!
Now, the trick is, crafting a message in such a way that your investor, your employees, and your clients all see how, "I'm gunna get paid!"
Ask for help. Ask Shanna or Kevin to point you in the right direction. They are professional writers
How to know if your Twitter PR and marketing is going to kill you (in a David Caradine kinda way)