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BUGabundo says...

Huh. I ended up giving my Win 95 box a woman's name and just chalked it up to "that time of the month."

I didn't realize there was a real software reason for it.

I wonder if there's a way to do the same for my wife - you know, fix a software bug.

Gotta run she's home!

LOLOL
motorola Droids is a phone for women... it will match their 24.5 days cycle :)

Filed under: jokes

amithnikam says...

Babies delivery and Corporate World 

1) Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month. 

2) Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby. 

3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month. 

4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby. 

5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available. 

6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; They'll produce a child with zero resources. 

7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months. 

8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby. 

And lastly... 

9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby.

Amith
--

Ogden Nash  - "The trouble with a kitten is that when it grows up, it's always a cat."

Filed under: Jokes

Forgiveness

Filed under: Jokes

himbotic says...

Filed under: Jokes

riclags says...

(Here's an excerpt from an email I received today.)

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, “What's on TV?” I said, “Dust.”

And that's when the fight started.

---

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started.

---

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started.

---

One Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.  I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.  I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”
My loving wife of 10 years replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”

And that's when the fight started.

---

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man, “Holy crap, that must be my husband!”
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window.  He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, “I AM your husband!”
The woman yelled back, “Yeah, then why were you running?”

And that's when the fight started.

---

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Molson Canadian for $24.95. Instead, she bought a jar of face cream for $17.95.  I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the face cream.

And that's  when the fight started.

---

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.”
The husband replies, “Your eyesight's damn near perfect.”

And that's when the fight started.

---

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.

---

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, “Do you know her?”
“Yes,” I sighed, “She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober ever since.”
“My God!” said my wife, “who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”

And that's when the fight started.

---

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for my SSN. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, “Unbutton your shirt.” So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, “That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me” and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, “You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.”

And that's when the fight started.

---

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. So I took her to a gas station.

And that's when the fight started.

---

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.”
I bought her a bathroom scale.

And that's when the fight started.

---

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's when the fight started.

This message is for the designated recipient only and may contain privileged, proprietary, or otherwise private information. If you have received it in error, please notify the sender immediately and delete the original. Any other use of the email by you is prohibited.

Filed under: jokes

Cindy says...

Filed under: jokes

Cindy says...

Filed under: jokes

williestylez says...

 A Little Religious humor....

 I’m sure you'll get a kick out of these!!

 

  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Little John the Baptist  

Matt.  18:4-5 
"Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 
And who ever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. " 
 
 



Johnny's Mother looked out the window and noticed him "playing church" with their cat .  

He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it.  She smiled and went about her work.  A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back To the open window to see Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water.  

She called out, "Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!"
 

Johnny looked up at her and said, "He should have thought about that before he joined my church." 


~~~~~~~~~~~~

Subject:  Acts 2:38

A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services, when she was startled by an intruder.. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled:

'Stop! Acts 2:38!'
Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ , so that your sins may be forgiven.
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you.'

'Scripture?' replied the burglar.. 'She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!'

Send this to someone who needs a laugh today and remember: Knowing scripture can save your life - in more ways than one!

 

Filed under: jokes

Gators says...

UF vs FSU Joke Post

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jokes-> hands-> question-> happens-> uf-> graduate


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      Filed under: jokes

      Chemists - remember nanoputians?
      Synthesis of Anthropomorphic Molecules:  The NanoPutians
      http://pubs.acs.org/doi/abs/10.1021/jo0349227

      More fun this way
      http://www.coronene.com/blog/?p=168

      Filed under: jokes