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Things you would like to say at work - Joke
1. I can see your point, but you're still full of crap.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 3. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. 4. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. 5. Ahh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again. 6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. 7. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. 8. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. 9. What am I? Flypaper for freaks! 10. And your cry-baby whiny-ass opinion would be...? 11. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. 12. If I throw a stick, will you leave? 13. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed it. 14. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1? 15. Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done.
At the restaurant
A man studied the menu long and hard, and finally turned to the waiter for help.
”Well,” said the waiter, “today our special is chicken on a bed of wild rice with green beans almandine and a nice side salad.”
”That sounds great. How is your chicken prepared?”
“We break it to him very gently and tell him it’s nothing personal.”
via bitsandpieces.us
Doomz's Best Joke of the Day
Scene: Today at lunch - chatting with the work team.
H: Hey, Casey, have you seen "Into the Wild"?
D: Isn't that the movie where that guy's surviving in the tundra? Carving up animals and stuff? I haven't seen it, but I know about it...
C: Oh yeah! I've been meaning to see that! Isn't that based on a kid's book?
D: What?
C: Yeah - with that kid, and there's those monsters in the forest...
D: Errr... but I think that one's "Where the Wild Things Are".
C: Oh... oops!
D: BUT, if you want to combine them, you could have a whole NEW movie: "Into the Wild Things"!
阿拉伯人為什麼都把自己媳婦的臉蒙著
好的文章不該沉沒在郵件堆裡，分享出來，望能博君一笑!
阿拉伯人 為什麼都把自己媳婦的臉 蒙著麥加其是我在沙特認識的第一個好朋友。一天，他熱情地邀請我和翻譯去他家做客。 這天上午，我們來到位於沙特首都市郊公路邊上的麥加其家。在他家的客廳裡，我 被牆上一幅精美的人物畫吸引住了。 真是太美了，畫中的老人栩栩如生，像孔聖人那樣威嚴、安詳。我目不轉睛地觀賞著，禁不住連連誇道：" 這副畫真的不錯，這是我見過的最好的人物畫。 "
話音剛落，我的腰立即被翻譯狠狠碰了一下，我陡 然一驚，馬上想起了在當地做客的
一個大忌：不能隨便誇讚人家的擺設
這下麥加其奇怪了： " 這表沒問題，它一直走得很準時。 "
我張口結舌，於是信口開河："這表在你們看來是沒問題，但在我們中國人看來就一定有問題。"
翻譯笑了，趕緊圓場： "這樣吧，這表先放在麥加其這裡走幾天，如果沒問題就不要修了。
有此教訓，我再也不敢把目光停留在物品上了，而是把頭朝上仰著，死死盯住天花板，我想：你總不能把天花板拆下來給我吧。麥加其看我不斷朝上張望，十分納悶地說： "我的朋友，你是不是 想要那吊燈， 等一下我把它拆下來吧。我只好苦笑道： " 我的朋友，吊燈我真的不想要，因為它沒問題，不需要修理。 現在明白了，阿拉伯人為什麼都把自己媳婦的臉蒙著．
Why men don't write advice columns
Dear John:
I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car started stalling and then it broke down about a mile down the road and I had to walk back to get my husband's help. When I got home, I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor's daughter! I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbor's daughter is 19. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I am a wreck and need advice urgently. Can you please help? Sincerely, Sheila ----------------------- Dear Sheila: A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors. I hope this helps,John
Missing wife ...
A man went to police station for filing report for his missing wife:
Man: I lost my wife (misty)
Inspector: What is her height?
Man: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Man: Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Colour of eyes
Man: Never noticed
Inspector: Colour of hair
Man: Changes according to season
Inspector: What was she wearing
Man: Saree/suit/ I don’t remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with her?
Man: Yes my Labrador dog, Romeo, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together…. And the man started crying…..
Inspector: Lets search for the dog first !!!!!!!
Inflatable Turkey is perfect gift to keep the vegetarian in your life from feeling left out on Thanksgiving ($11.99)
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