Explore Posterous

Thank you, Lord, for cancer, flu,
For athlete’s foot and typhus too.
Your wondrous world with birth defects,
And ticks and strokes is so complex.

I marvel at your pedophiles,
And mumps sure does elicit smiles.
Your greatest feat -- the tornadoes
Are right up there with lava flows.

I simply love my varicose veins,
And thank you for the hurricanes.
The miracle of gum disease
Goes hand-in-hand with cavities.

My urinary incontinence
Compliments my flatulence.
Chickenpox is a grand thing,
As is, I f-feel, my st-stuttering.

You designed miscarriages,
And cute, malformed appendages.
We thank you for psoriasis
And myriad darling viruses.

For gout and migraines, ulcers too,
Warts and croup are due to you.
TB and multiple sclerosis
Are greater gifts than scoliosis.

Salmonella, SARS, and asthma,
Rickets, SIDS, anemia,
Cerebral palsy and ear wax,
Scurvy, shingles and anthrax.

Hodgkin’s, Legionnaires’ diseases,
Parkinson’s and diabetes,
Botulism isn’t nice,
Jock itch and those tiny lice.

Bubonic plague and grand earthquakes,
Shin splints, blisters, and toothaches,
Spina bifida, malaria,
Ovarian cysts and diptheria.

Diarrhea, and those phobias -- Oh!
Spider bites and polio,
PMS and Down’s Syndrome,
Tourette’s and a little kidney stone.

Sickle cell anemia
Diaper rash and eczema,
Lukemia, androgyny,
Hives and infertility.

The “sicknesses” you’ve offered me --
Morning, Sleeping, one a’Sea --
Do pale before your leprosy,
Melanomas and epilepsy.

Hiccups, lupus, and flatfoot,
Upon this Earth our Lord has put.
Narcolepsy, tonsilitis,
Schizophrenia and arthritis.

The eye (I say, designed by you
Since evolution is untrue),
With sties and presbyopia,
Cataracts, and glaucoma.

A touch of acne and dwarfism
Do pale before my priapism.
Hemorrhoids and yeast infections,
Trench mouth and the chronic depressions.

Tidal waves and cholera,
Scabies, flies, and opera,
Goiters and those cute tapeworms,
Munchausen’s Syndrome and ringworms.

For those with mitral valve prolapse,
You are the one God of the gaps.
Alzheimer’s is a wondrous thing,
As are disorders of eating.

We’re thankful for the fevers -- Lo!
Rheumatic, scarlet, and yellow,
For dengue we give thanks to you --
And Rocky Mountain Spotted -- ooh!.

Your staph infection, Lyme disease,
Are certainly designed to please.
Dementia -- now there’s a mess.
As is male pattern darn baldness.

There’s acne, dandruff, whooping cough,
At heart disease we must not scoff.
Smallpox and pneumonia,
Sunburn, hemophilia.

Autism, elephantiasis,
Dysentery, prostatitis.
In your grand benevolence
I have lactose intolerance.

Fibroid tumors, laryngitis,
Hernias and hepatitis,
Cocaine and encephalitis,
Mood disorders, meningitis.

Toxic shock syndrome for us,
Ear infections and tetanus,
Sciatica, erectile dysfunction,
Rapists and good ol’ hypertension.

Motion sickness, dermatitis,
Cystic fibrosis, and chronic bronchitis,
Strep throat, mosquitoes, sinus infections,
Sleep disorders, postpartum depressions

The flesh-eater, necrotizing fascitis,
Mono, halitosis, and phlebitis.
We all look forward to osteoporosis,
But certainly dread pulmonary fibrosis.

Dear God, we sure thank you for all these great things.
Your miracles make you the one King of Kings.
Of all of your wonders that we do behold,
Most of all, “Thanks!” for the old common cold.

(Unknown)