Setting Things Trite
The Master Orator reveals the secret behind his stirring rhetoric: The greeting card aisle at Ralph's Fine Foods. When you care enough to send the very corniest.
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Obama CAIRs
Obama -- busy schmoozing yet another special interest ethnic group -- could only spare an afterthought on the terror attack on Fort Hood.
His big-hearted reaction to yesterday's Instant Jihad can be read HERE.
He's Fallen Down & He Can't Get Up
As his fellow television infomercial hucksters might say, "But wait! There's more!"
Or, in Obama's case, less.
Can It Ream a Nation, O Chef of the Future?
Hommina and change
Pictured: Art Carney (with Barack Obama filling in for Jackie Gleason) in "Better Living Through TV", Episode 7 of The Honeymooners first season.
"The Empire Strikes a Pose Back" or "Revenge of the Seething"
In a bold move to "re-take control of the narrative" President Obama made an impromptu visit to Canada's Lake Minnewanka, home of the frolicking squirrel who yesterday upstaged him at his speech before Congress. "We only want to see how that unregulated little fuzz-tailed tree-rat likes being made to look silly in front of the whole class!" said Obama evenly through a fixed smile.
Melissa and Yosemite Brandts, the human subjects of the original "photo-crashing squirrel" snapshot that has gone viral over the Internet, were delighted to reprise their roles as the astonished campers laughing in the background. "It was thrilling to meet the President," said Melissa. "He hardly said a word to us, though. Just, 'You're them, huh?' Mostly he complained about the mosquitoes. Kept slapping himself and muttering. He was tense. When we offered him a fish we'd caught he shrieked like a girl and slapped it away." This "gag shot" and other "humanizing" photos may be viewed on the "He Does Too Have a Warm Sense of Humor" page at http://www.whitehouse.gov.
And no Taepodong-2 Missiles to Deliver Them
The Conquerors
by Phyllis McGinley
It seems vainglorious and proud
Of Atom-man to boast aloud
His prowess homicidal
When one remembers how for years,
With their rude stones and humble spears,
Our sires, at wiping out their peers,
Were almost never idle.
Despite his under-fissioned art
The Hittite made a splendid start
Toward smiting lesser nations;
While Tamerlane, it's widely known,
Without a bomb to call his own
Destroyed whole populations.
Nor did the ancient Persian need
Uranium to kill his Mede,
The Viking earl, his foeman.
The Greeks got excellent results
With swords and engined catapults.
A chariot served the Roman.
Mere cannon garnered quite a yield
On Waterloo's tempestuous field.
At Hastings and at Flodden
Stout countrymen, with just a bow
And arrow, laid their thousands low.
And Gettysburg was sodden.
Though doubtless now our shrewd machines
Can blow the world to smithereens
More tidily and so on,
Let's give our ancestors their due.
Their ways were coarse, their weapons few.
But ah! how wondrously they slew
With what they had to go on.
Acrylic Missile Defense Shield
If the Power of the Teleprompter doesn't make North Korea stand down, maybe a busload of ACORN activists at Ground Zero can stop a Taepodong-2 ballistic missile with a nuclear warhead. Let's give it a try!
Obompter Addresses His Voter Base
In Fraudsters Fields
In Fraudsters Fields the ACORNs go
Amidst the crosses row on row
And push aside the broken hearted
To register the dear departed:
The voter base for BHO.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We registered to vote for O.
ACORN, they lied - and now we lie
In Fraudsters Fields.
Don't let those ACORNs speak for us.
We beg the living, Raise a fuss!
Take up our quarrel with those knaves
Or we'll be spinning in our graves
In Fraudsters Fields.
(Based on In Flanders Fields by John McCrae)
Honoring the dead by giving them the vote is a longstanding Democratic Party tradition.
