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Here are posterous posts filed under etiquette...

I'm speaking, of course, about America's most celebrated insane bag of nuts blogger, one Amy Alkon, who seems to be interviewed here for her ability to be crazy and credibly so:

Amy Alkon, a syndicated advice columnist and self-described “manners psycho,” certainly thinks so. Just ask “Barry,” a loud cellphone talker she encountered recently at a Starbucks in Santa Monica, Calif.

“He just blatantly took over the whole place with his conversation, streaming his dull life into everybody’s brain,” Ms. Alkon recalled in a telephone interview.

Among the personal details Barry shared that day — errands to run, plans for the evening — was his phone number, which Ms. Alkon jotted down.

“I called him that night and said, ‘Just calling to let you know, Barry, that if you’d like your private life to remain private, you might want to be a little more considerate next time,’ “ she said.

Alkon has no ethics, and I call bullshit:

Someone who doesn’t tolerate inconsiderate public behaviour is Amy Alkon, the famous Advice Goddess columnist in the US who is also known as a blogslapper of ‘assclowns’. Recently, Amy was so annoyed by a ‘cell phone shouter’ in a LA café, she immediately posted personal details of the assclown's conversation to her weblog. The icing on the cake was the assclown receiving calls directing her to Amy’s post, using the phone number she’d haplessly broadcast to all and sundry. Fittingly, one of Amy’s mottos is -revenge is the best revenge.

Indeed, shaming websites catering for pissed-off victims of public arseholes are springing up with a vengeance. Check this Wall Street Journal article, inspired by Amy’s experience for a list of blogslapping websites. One potential site not yet created could cater for the common problem of locals and families terrorising the neighbourhood.

Notice anything?

That same incident happened in 2006, and Alkon continues to "peddle" the incident as something recent. So far, the Wall Street Journal and now the New York Times have passed off a single incident (and I'm guessing she's dressing up the same incident and peddling it around--I could be wrong) as being something Alkon has done to unsuspecting people in the name of some sort of morally superior attempt at enforcing "ethics" and here's what she did:

Eva Burgess Is Getting Glasses!
And she’s picking them up Saturday after 4pm! I know this because she was bellowing into a cell phone about it next to me in a café. Apparently, she’s not only inconsiderate, she doesn’t seeem to mind giving a lot of personal information, starting with her full name, to a total stranger.

She continued, Eva and Ken Hashimoto “have insurance there," she said…”under a flexible spending account.” “We just have to pay by the end of the year,” she said. And then she most helpfully bellowed her phone number -- [REDACTED] -- perhaps because she’s lonely and wants total strangers to call and ask how her glasses are working out for her.

Hey, Eva, can I have your bank account number and your log-in so I can transfer a few bucks to my account? I’d like to get a pair of noise-canceling headphones in case you sit next to me again.

On a positive note, the little girl with them, probably Eva’s (and maybe Ken’s) daughter, was very quiet and well-behaved.

Hey, Eva, I know it’s kinda cold in NYC, where you’re apparently from (according to the area code you helpfully dispensed), but here in sunny southern California, at the moment you were talking, it was 58 degrees. Next time, you might take your business outside –- as exciting as I found it, on a morning I would normally have relaxed to the classical music while eating my breakfast and thinking my own thoughts, to instead be a part of your eyecare needs.

Nice going, New York Times. That uncanny similarity is a little too uncanny for my tastes. If she's been running around, doing this sort of thing for years, well, all well and good. But let's not give her a pass on being the unethical-blogger-who-posts-someone's-phone-number nonsense. I don't care how offended someone is--posting their personal information crosses into Michelle Malkin territory.

Sorry, @DQuenqua over there on Twitter. You've been punked by one of the least ethical human beings alive.  Cue 2011, and a rousing story in the Washington Post about how Amy Alkon smacked down someone by publishing their phone number on her blog...

Filed under: Etiquette

Lucy says...

The craze for fans took hold in England during the Elizabethan period, when large parties and balls became fashionable.  The combination of new cosmetics, heavy clothes and a crush of people meant a fan was useful for keeping cool, or at least preventing your face from running.  The first ones were paddle-shaped or made from feathers, and pretty enough but by the 18th century they had become works of art.  Except in England.  Until the Huguenots arrived and the Chinese export trade detected a gap in the market, English fans were fairly dull and of poor quality.  

The arrival of the French soon changed that, and throughout the 17thC the quality of fans improves.  During the massive influx of Huguenot refugees, one Jacob Chassereau settled in London and took fan-making to a new level.  The trade-card of his son Frances, with its Royal Appointment is featured below.  Fans took on a strict shape and form: they were constructed as per the image in the gallery, they covered 1/3rd of a circle and must be no bigger than 12 and a half inches long.  The decoration was whatever pleased the lady in question.  Some of them are quite spectacular, as you can see (the white one is Chinese for the English market, and the other is French, same).  The visible parts consist of the sticks and the leaf.  The sticks were made of wood, ivory, mother-of-pearl, gold and so on.  The leaves are often catalogued as 'swan's skin', but they aren't; they are either paper or lamb's/kid's skin.  

Painters specialized in decorating fans.  In England the shepherds and nymphs of Watteau and later Boucher were popular. (Watteau himself painted fans, including the bridal fan of Adelaide of Savoy in 1709.)  By 1711, the craze for expensive fans had become such that Joseph Addison felt the need to mock it roundly in his coffee house publication, The Spectator.  His excellent article, 'advertising' his Academy for the Instruction of the Use of the Fan explains how he drills young ladies in fan etiquette in a military fashion.  

The Fluttering of the Fan is the last, and indeed the master-piece of the whole Exercise; but if a lady does not misspend her time, she may make herself mistress of it in three months...There is the angry flutter, the modest flutter, the timorous flutter, the confused flutter, the merry fluttter, and the amorous flutter...I have seen a fan so very angry, that it would have been dangerous for the absent lover who provoked it to have come within the wind of it...I need not add, that a fan is either a prude of coquet according to the nature of the person who bears it.

p.s. I teach young gentlemen the whole art of gallanting a fan.

Spectator, no. 102

This mockery arose from the purported 'Language of the Fan'.  The Rotari portrait of circa 1750 of the girl with the butcher's hands seems to indicate there was some kind of message to be imparted by particular postures.  Whether such a language was ever really deployed by young ladies at fashionable parties is impossible to know, but a compilation of common themes is as follows:

Fan closed, tip to lips: we are overheard
Ditto, tip to right cheek: yes
Ditto, tip to left cheek: no
Ditto, tip to forehead: you are out of your mind
Chin on tip: you annoy me
Ditto, tip to heart: I love you
Lower open fan until pointing at the ground: I hate you

The Fan-Makers' Livery Company was incorporated in 1709 (although not officially given Livery until 1806), and it still exists today as a charitable organization.  It was the last of the 'original' livery companies, being number 76 and no other new Company was created until the Master Mariners in 1926 (the Carmen don't count).

               
Click here to download:
Fan_etiquette-.zip (2165 KB)

Filed under: etiquette

 

I got thinking about the perils of attempting to be ladylike today as I tried to subtly adjust my slip while sitting at my desk without anyone noticing. A slip, for those not in the know is another word for a petticoat – basically a super long singlet that one wears to ensure that one does not have an unfortunate see through episode ala Lady Diana Spencer when she was a kindy teacher. The other reason slips are useful is to ensure the line of the days ensemble flows and that dresses (in today’s case LBD #17 of 19) do not stick to your tights. Such undergarments used to be called unmentionables and I can see why, not only are they very personal items, they’re also not all that exciting.

 

I’m usually more of a grab whatever is clean from the floordrobe kind of a girl, but today I was attempting to emulate my ladylike and extremely elderly great aunt who gave me a slip a couple of years ago when she realised I didn’t own any. I’ve since discovered that they are rather useful, but you’ve got to have the right one for the right garment and it should never show below the hemline. Oh the pitfalls of being proper.

 

There are other ideas, customs and products which are often seen as antiquated but are still common enough to cause confusion and awkward moments. A lot of these are around two loaded words ‘rights’ and ‘etiquette’. My thoughts on a few:

 

·         Thank you notes – while you may not have posted anything to anyone in recent memory – anyone who is a generation above you most likely expects one and everyone else appreciates getting one. It’s nice to be acknowledged. I am the world’s worst person at doing this. (Note to self – grow up!)

·         Who pays? – I think that you should never expect people to pay for your coffee or meal. If they offer, graciously accept instead of making things uncomfortable for everyone in the cashier’s line. Don’t be the person who never pays/always forgets their wallet. If you are in financial tough times, let your entertainment options fit your budget – DVDs with chips can be fun too!

·         Opening doors etc – In these times of equal rights and all that, I get surprised when someone gentlemanly opens a door. Again, this is a don’t expect thing – but politeness is a lovely thing, so why not try it/practice smiling and saying thanks if someone is being gallant. Some of the guys at work seem to love opening doors and it's cool – but they’d probably enjoy it more if we didn’t make a big deal of it every single time.

·         Invitations – keep in mind that people running events - from weddings to openings to parties – are all on budgets and these days the budgets are probably severely strained. I love being invited to things, but I have always tried to consider every invitation a bonus. Being disciplined in this attitude means that you don’t get hurt/mad when you miss out on things. After all, we just don’t know what people’s limitations are.

·         RSVPs – I think Bookface’s MAYBE option for events is the worst thing – it makes it hard for people throwing events and encourages guests to wait and see if something better is coming along. I think a good rule of thumb is that if someone is a good friend and the event is special to them, you should make every effort to be there – and be one of the few who are on time.

·         Respect – We all have different interests, but I think the ability to talk to anyone is one of the most important skills you can develop. This means, especially when talking to someone a bit older, that you make an effort to speak in language that is not going to confuse or offend them. The inability to relate to a range of people can be very career limiting. Dressing appropriate to the situation fits here too. I always think that if someone has invited you to a special event, a wedding for example, don’t ruin their photos by showing up in jeans.

·         Being on time – Being late is something that happens to everyone sometimes, BUT – if its habitual, I believe that it means you think you are more important than everyone else in the room. Think of the loss of productivity. Time is money and all that.

Filed under: etiquette

Kien Tran says...

Throughout the years, posting styles in email lists and in forums have been a point of contention. Essentially, there are three types of posting styles.

  1. Inline posting. In this style, the responder answers queries or provides insight throughout the document.
  2. Top posting. The responder writes his thoughts at the top of the previous discussion. This particular method has long been frowned upon because the dialog is out of order.
  3. Bottom posting. The responder writes at the very bottom of the discussion, leaving the previous dialog intact and creates a sequential order for the discussion.
....

The final reason that bottom-posting sucks is that long emails that require a user to scroll through what is sometimes pages and pages of information is physically damaging and actually very difficult to do for those of us whose wrists and fingers tire easily. If someone with mobility impairments has to scroll through so much data just to get to “yup, I’m on the task” it just becomes an insult to that user, who suffers through the inconvenience to get to the message.

Two words: Not Accessible.

via Douglas Bowman via molly.com

I came across an article about the age old "Bottom Posting" vs "Top Posting" with email replies that sums up today's nature of communications online. Post your replies on the top of the message. Though obviously the content is now in "reverse order" when you look at it, did you really need to review the previous messages again? Odds are you have that previous message in your inbox already.

Furthermore, if you were a new recipient of the message mid conversation, or if you just plain forgot the original message, it should be fairly natural to scroll down and figure out the message history in a reverse order as it is. Sometimes information in the first message of a conversation isn't even relevant to you or anyone else.

Filed under: Etiquette

jpomie says...


“Thank you all for coming.  For those of you who knew Manners, you were amongst the luck ones. Manners was a kind, generous soul who made everyone’s life just a little brighter for having known him. Many of us are better people for having known Manners and it is a sad day for those who will never get a chance to learn from him and pass on his knowledge to the people in their lives.”

Of course, we’re not truly eulogizing manners, but you have to ask yourself, “Where have they gone?” 

This is just more of an observation and not finger pointing. I have just noticed over the last year or so a noticeable lacking of professional manners from individuals and organizations. It is as if manners never existed at all in some of these instances.

These days, it just seems as though people can’t be bothered.  It is because the economy has us just so unsettled we have forgotten these basic manners?  Are companies so understaffed that personnel have pushed aside simple manners in order to save time?

Or, has the Internet done away with such niceties?  Gone are the days of personal cover letters and applications.  Now, we just attach documents and submit them with very little given to the presentation.  Why? It just doesn’t seem to matter all that much since you can do it in such bulk.

Has Social Media and its brief, stutter-step, impersonal approach made most people forget what it is to draft an appropriate note?  I have noticed a large downturn in the use of manners since we evolved past email and into this ever growing world that is Web 2.0 and beyond.

I tend to think it is a mixture of both – almost like a Perfect Storm.  But, it is my hope that this is a temporary situation that will remedy itself once saner, and more prosperous, times prevail.

So, do yourself a favor and take the time to write a thank you note, reply to somebody in something more than 140 characters or just by writing on their Wall.  Let’s make an effort to keep from truly eulogizing such an important part of our lives.

Filed under: etiquette

E.Flo says...

There’s a very simple way to keep people from hating you, and possibly get them to love you.  Know what it is?  Stop the rubber band effect.  Really quickly, (If you don’t know) the rubber band effect occurs when the space between cyclists increases and decreases as riders try to stay in the draft.  It becomes more and more prevalent towards the back of the pack.  Rubber-banding causes an unnecessary use of energy; instead of holding a constant pace it causes you to have to keep accelerating and then waste all that extra energy to brake.

I have always tried my best to mitigate the stopping and starting that drains so much energy and it pays off.  Not only does it save me effort but I have had people tell me how much they enjoy riding behind me as opposed to other riders.  So what’s the best way?

First, if the person in front of you starts to pull away, SLOWLY increase your speed.  No need to hammer.  Stay seated and you’ll be fine.  Second, once you start to gain on the rider, chances are you don’t need to go any faster.  You will catch up, so don’t overdo the acceleration.  Otherwise you end up having to brake, which wastes your energy and everybody else’s energy behind you.  And then you run the risk of braking too hard and having to repeat the process yet again.

Watch the legs and brakes of the rider in front of you from time to time.  If he/she stops pedaling, you probably should too.  If he/she starts again, go for it.  Also, depending on the speed you’re going and the distance between the two of you, sometimes even if the rider in front of you is braking you can simply stop pedaling and you’ll be just fine.

If you are reading this thinking, “that’s obvious” then don’t worry, but given the number of people that see who “rubber band,” I’m hoping this advice helps out. At least in my view, group rides are hugely more enjoyable when I don’t have to deal with somebody in front of me flying ahead and ruining my draft, only to throw on the brakes and make me have to do the same. So go out and practice.  Nobody can stay exactly the same distance behind, but it sure helps when it doesn’t vary wildly.

Filed under: etiquette

SwBratcher says...

Click here to download:

bluetoothguide.pdf (18 KB)

Filed under: etiquette

Charles says...

The New York Times fills a void with a new column by Jenna Wortham on digital manners...
"Its primary purpose is to help you gracefully navigate the murky waters of a hyper-connected world. Mom won’t stop tagging embarrassing family photos of you on Facebook? Think you’re being stalked on the Web by a former best friend? Blast your entire address book with a very private e-mail message? I’ll try to help sort it all out."

I can remember -- I won't say how long ago -- when email and discussion lists were about all there was of the Internet. Back then, I was advised that I shouldn't write anything in an email I wouldn't be comfortable having my mom read. I'll admit that our society, culture, and the Internet have changed significantly since then. However, common sense is always available and so applicable when exposing parts of your life on the internet.

Human naivety and fallibility will always lead to embarrassing incidents. It always seems there will be someone to open an email attachment that shouldn't be, clicking a link that shouldn't be clicked. Yet, there are still many people that are just not as adept in dealing with all this technology as some of us may be. I'm often reminded of this when my parents come to me with a question. What we all have to remember is there is no such thing as a private email, confidential messages, nor content we can hide from prying eyes. The fact of the matter is that the Internet is a public medium. Remembering this will not always help us avoid those embarrassing mistakes, but, perhaps, it might help keep someone from getting caught with something exposed that shouldn't be.

Filed under: etiquette

Steve says...

The New York Times fills a void with a new column by Jenna Wortham on digital manners...
"Its primary purpose is to help you gracefully navigate the murky waters of a hyper-connected world. Mom won’t stop tagging embarrassing family photos of you on Facebook? Think you’re being stalked on the Web by a former best friend? Blast your entire address book with a very private e-mail message? I’ll try to help sort it all out."

 

Filed under: etiquette

Passepartout says...

Public gyms and fitness centers have a unique culture and mode of operation. You can always tell long-time gym rats from newbies because the fitness veterans NEVER make any of these mistakes, below.

I.     Thou Shall Not Stink.  Do you clear the weight room when you enter it? Never have neighbors on the treadmill? BO and yellow armpits have no place in the gym. And a special addendum for the morning crew: brush your teeth before coming to work out. Your death-breath forms a cloud around you.

II.     Thou Shall Not Leave Thy Foul, Skanky And Inside-Out Underwear On The Locker Room Floor.

III.     Watch Not The Food Network During A Cardio Session. What are you doing?!!! Watch Emeril make artichoke-chevre cheese dip and you’ll run home and eat all those paltry 200 calories you just worked off – and more.

IV.     What Are You Doing In There? Wait, don’t tell us. Just hurry up, please, and hose the walls down before you come out. Thank you very much.

V.     Disdain Personal Trainers; They Are The Chiropractors Of Fitness. Their real goal is to keep you coming back while you make little progress. Truly fit people never use trainers because they know you can’t outsource your will; 90% of fitness is in your mind.

VI.     Touch Not The Video Or Audio Controls. Just try switching to ESPN when the 10:00 AM mommies are bouncing on their bosu balls. See what happens.

VII.     Thou Shall NOT Pray. Hey, see that person hovering in the background? It’s someone waiting to use that equipment while you seek the seventh level of consciousness.

VIII.    Wear Only Modest, Loose-Fitting Clothing…  Unless You Have A Really, Really Good Body. Our opinion, not yours.

IX.     Pick Up Thy Crap. And put it back where it belongs. If you can hoist six 45 lb plates above your chest, you can take them off and put them back on the rack. No, the 120 lb woman waiting to use the bench right behind doesn’t appreciate you leaving it “set up” for her.

Men, ‘Crap’ means ‘gym bag.’ Almost all gyms have a sign telling you NOT to bring a gym purse onto the floor. Yes, it’s a purse.

X.     Thou Shall Not Have False Gods Before You. Get real; you will never go from a 44-inch waist to a 32 ever again. You will always have cellulite. If there never was a six-pack, then there never will be one.

                   
Click here to download:
The_Ten_Commandments_For_Fitne.zip (572 KB)

Filed under: etiquette