Dr. Seuss now!
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Harry Potter en de Steen der Wijzen
Okay, so, I just found myself reading a review by some douchebag of, uhh, Rosetta Stone: Dutch, Level 3 with Audio Companion on Amazon. Quoting said douche:
[blah blah blah …]Unfortunately, for whatever reason I can not understand, the language in level 3 reverts back to the useless baby sentences of level 1. The analogy is like going from Dr. Seuss to JK Rowling, then going back to Dr. Seuss again[…blah blah]
I’m sorry, but can we all agree that Dr. Seuss is a writer a million times better—AND A MILLION TIMES MORE SOPHISTICATED—than J. K. Rowling? Or is that just me? And, my god. We’re talking about stuff having specifically to do with language here. Who would you rather translate from English to Dutch, J. K. Rowling or fucking Dr. Seuss? What’s Dutch for Tough-Tufted Prickly Snick-Berry Switch? Or, what’s the Dutch word that means Poo-a-Doo powder and rhymes with the Dutch word for clam chowder?
Amazing.
Dr. Seuss Parodies
See full list here: http://www.seuss.org/seuss/seuss.parody.html
The Inferno: A New Translation
Author: John Coughlin
Dante's InfernoCanto VI...The Gluttons
A new translation by: Doctor Seuss
I was not happy, that I will say,
For when I turned 'round I was met with dismay!
Falling from the sky was rain, cold and hard,
Onto my head, and the head of Virgil, the Bard!
Black snow and foul water, it was up to our knees!
Where were we to hide? There weren't any trees!
I looked across the land, and could see ghosts all around
buried in the snow, they couldn't make a sound!
Then suddenly upon us, there sprung a great beast
with beady red eyes, and nasty yellow teeth,
His claws were like knives, and with them he would tear
at the ghosts in the snow, until their bones were laid bare!
"Who is that!" I asked my guide, my mouth a large O
"It is Cerebus the Dog!; keep your head low!"
With that my good guide picked up handfuls of slush,
threw them down the dog's throat, and then shouted "mush!"
Away ran the dog, not happy one bit
his mouth full of snow, he was in quite a snit!
Free to continue, my guide said, "let's go"
to which I replied "ode e ode e ode e O!"
The Dr. Seuss Purity Test
This page rated PG-13 (Language). Be warned.
Author: William Elton
Have you done it on a boat?
Have you done it with a goat?
Have you done it in a bed?
Have you done it with the dead?
Have you done it in the ass?
Have you done it, high on grass?
Have you done it in the car?
Have you simply gone too far?
Have you done it on the beach?
Have you done it with the teach?
Have you done it on your back?
Have you done it strapped to a rack?
Have you done it in a box?
Have you done it with a fox?
Have you done it in a tree?
Have you done it with more than three?
Have you done it in the rain?
Have you done it for the pain?
Have you done it 'tween the tits?
Have you done it wearing mitts?
Have you done it packed in rubber?
Have you done it undercover?
Have you done it on a perch?
Have you done it in a church?
Have you done it with a virgin?
Have you done it with a sturgeon?
Have you done it with ropes and chains?
Have you done it while insane?
Have you done it on the stage?
Have you done it underage?
Have you done it with all your friends?
Have you done it in both ends?
Have you done it with your dog?
Have you done it on a log?
Have you done it under clamps?
Have you done it with the lamps?
Have you done it without style?
Have you done it for all to see?
Have you ever had VD?
Have you done it on Mother's couch?
Have you done it in your mouth?
Have you done it while on tape?
Have you done it out of shape?
Have you done it on live TV?
Have you done it whilst you pee?
Have you done it in the gym?
Have you done it on a whim?
Have you done it on a dare?
Do you really think we care?
Answer these and count your "no"s,
pray this number never grows.
Fifty questions we asked thee,
score times two is your Purity.
Copyright © 1996 by William Elton
Great Quote
"Those who mind, don't matter. And those who matter, don't mind."
Words of Wisdom
- You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go.
- You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
- I'm sorry to say so
But, sadly it's true
That bang-ups and hang-ups
Can happen to you.
- On and on you will hike, And I know you’ll hike far
and face up to your problems whatever they are.You’ll get mixed up of course, as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go.So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
And remember that Life’s a great balancing act.Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left. -
Will you succeed?
Yes you will indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)
Those who matter
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't
matter and those who matter don't mind.” Dr. Seuss
