“Flooding in Midwestern U.S. region may cause service delays.”
I’m a past customer of FedEx, so I get these notices. I’ve been travelling in India for the last four months, and this email reached me in Kolkata (formerly Calcutta). It’s a strange mashup of sensual input and intellectual knowledge, to say the least!
What is no doubt a personal disaster to many sounds weirdly stripped of emotion in the legalese of a corporation protecting its legal ass:
“FedEx service throughout the state of North Dakota has been affected by heavy flooding. Customers in evacuated and restricted areas should expect unavoidable service delays until conditions improve. Our top priority is the safety and well-being of our employees and contractors. FedEx is committed to providing service to the best of our ability in areas that can be safely accessed, and we will continue to monitor the situation. Please continue to check fedex.com for updates.
Consistent with the provisions of the FedEx Service Guide, the FedEx money-back guarantee does not apply to FedEx® shipments affected by weather.
Shipping to affected areas?
To help avoid delays, we encourage you to contact your recipients to verify if their location is accepting shipments. In the event of evacuation, shipments not delivered will be secured in one of our facilities. Delivery will be attempted when it is safe to do so.”
It is even stranger to see that the little picture send to illustrate the email and give it that bit of magazine gloss has nothing to do with the flooding and is actually all about the efficiency of delivery:

I recently read Accelerando by Charles Stross, so these kinds of corporate dispatches are that much more mind bending.