* I've been editing this story, and adding more when I think of it. It will continue to change as I go, If something sounds too abrupt, then it's because I wanted to get the idea down quickly, I will expand on certain things later. I don't mind if you "look over my shoulder" and read as I go. Please comment though, I'd like that.
With the recent film New Moon coming out recently, and the possibility of people encountering me for the first time and possibly thinking that the werewolf thing may have something to do with Twilight, I can, quite honestly say that Wolfie! has nothing to do with Twilight... and thinks it's an insult to werewolves everywhere.
Wolfie! has been around for a very long time, He is both a character and a part of my soul, He is the very core of who I am, in mood, personality and... I'm working on the looks. ;)
I have a copyright on the Wolfie! character which dates all the way back to 1986, He's actually a few years older but 1986 was the first time that he was drawn, as far as I can tell from the little scraps of paper.
I'm an awful artist, I have no skill at all, but back in 1989 I was probably listening to the radio and doodling on a piece of paper when to my surprise, I captured the "look" that I was after... It was this very basic artwork, drawn with a black pen which has been re-drawn and adapted till this day.
About 1997 I met a friend called Lobocursor online, possibly on IRC or a usenet newsgroup, and he was the very first person who re-drew Wolfie, better than I could. The picture was called "Radio Wolf" as I have been a DJ in real life. Then a furry artist "Poop" who had become famous for his "Buff Woofs" (Bodybuilding dogs and wolves) was the next to try, and drew a quick sketch in pencil. Finally Quadrapop cleaned the image up, and that's the picture you'll see of Wolfie! everywhere online these days.
Everyone has a voice in their head that reminds you of things, or gives you an answer that you can't recall. You've probably had a problem which you couldn't figure out and wracked your brain all day... only for you to be in the shower, on the lav or after just having gone to bed, when the little voice says "Why don't you do it this way" You sit up suddenly wondering why it hadn't occured to you before. Wolfie! is my little voice.
During the 80's I would try and converse with this voice, and sometimes I found it helpful. I remember having problems where I was afraid of the dark and would leave my bedroom light on, My Dad would usually switch it off later. One night Wolfie! said "Wouldn't you be better turning your light off, after all, you'd know your house better than any intruder and the light would only help them". It made perfect sense... I got up and switched the light off and never worried about having the light on or off again.
I feel that Wolfie and I are closer to being the same personality now, than we were back then... In the 80s I was still going to high school and I had been through hell with it, I was scared. I was constantly harassed by other students and couldn't feel safe, I feel part of my self had been prevented from "growing", I had become terribly shy and introverted.
Wolfie was who I wanted to be, it would take a long time to get there.
Later in life I was to discover that I had cancer, and the treatment was very hard going. I had thought that if a person said "look, you can either go to school and suffer for ten years or you can have cancer and suffer for one" then I think I would have rather had the chemo and radiation than go to school, which I feel was far more damaging to me.
I still strongly feel that I didn't need school, I think life taught me more about things that school ever could. I would watch television shows which provided information on science, technology, the environment... which I'd eat up, and I read newspapers and was trying to become aware of the current issues. I would also travel a lot with my parents, who I was very close to, so I saw things that maybe others missed out on.
Fortunately, I pushed myself and did community radio and found some lovely people who I felt safe with and could confide in, this helped me to open up so much more. This is where I was allowed to be my most creative and I loved it.
Then my health began to falter so I reluctantly quit, I'd been thinking about it for some time, My energy was diving. and one day a lister rang to ask me "are you on drugs", I believe it was the beginning of the cancer, not sure.
I simply remained home a lot after that, I had been treated for anxiety problems, but I feel the cancer was just doing really nasty things to my body.
Eventually I got to a point where I thought I could do something else, but it had to be gentle, so I took up Shiatsu massage.
I remember on my first day realising that I'd actually have to touch someone, I'm not sure if you realise it but there is an unspoken rule at school that the only time you can actually touch someone is if you intend to hurt them... otherwise you're automatically seen as "lovers" who are obviously shagging each other wildly (same sex or otherwise).
I feel that because this, massage would be a great thing to be taught at schools, so that kids could give permission to each other to touch and be touched for a good reason.
Lets return to the 90s.
The computer I was using at this point was an Amiga A1200, and it was a "toy" because at this point I hadn't been using computers for much more than games and what they call "Demos" (Music and graphics created by teams of computer enthusiasts, usually in Europe), In fact at this point there was no genuine reason for me to have a computer at all.
Sometimes I honestly think that I would have been better off choosing a different hobby, Although I liked using the computer, I can't say that it ever gave me that much pleasure, like my interest in music did.
What it did do though was find me a group of others who I could talk to, and I think this pleased Mum who liked to see me get out and meet others, so I'd pack up my computer and lug it, with a case of 100 floppies to a mates home and show them my demos and things.
It was probably 1998 when James, a Vietnames friend of mine who would often introduce me to new stuff, showed me that I could connect to the internet, and once there, I discovered Usenet, which was rather mindblowing when you're used to being very cottoned up with regular media, to suddenly discover that anything and everything was discussed, photographed, drawn and filmed without being censored.
Now it's important to recognise that, as strange as it might seem, that I did not think of myself as human, it wasn't the shape of my soul, I felt different to people. I didn't dislike people, I was just myself, and this was what I was. It's important to remember that I felt like this before I knew anything about the internet or communities who used it.
Usenet should probably be explained to people who have only ever seen facebook and other recent uses for the internet. Usenet was (still is) a very plain jane affair, where you look up a subject and generally will find a forum about it. If you could think of a subject, then someone had probably started a group about it. I had found alt.horror.vampires where everything about vampires were discussed at length, movies, books, artwork (usually reserved for binaries groups which looked like this alt.binaries.horror.vampires).
In general, a Usenet group usually consisted of a group of people who were very interested in that particular subject, a bit like mad collectors, they really knew their stuff.
I was in alt.horror.vampires, and was using my Wolfie name back then (I wasn't the only Wolfie around, it's a very common name really). when someone suggested that I try alt.horror werewolves, which alas, I couldn't get to because my server didn't take it, rats!
However at a later stage I was able to get to it, and found a community of people who... felt as though they were animals too... which to me was quite extraordinary, before that I thought that I was the only one ever to feel this way.
I found two groups of people online, the Weres (Werewolves/bears/cats/foxes/etc) and The Furries.
The difference between the two was the Weres believed they had a spiritual connection to their inner creature, a totem animal if you like. The second group were the furries, who were so wild and varied that it was hard to say what they were as a group... to some it was spiritual like what we felt, to others it was simply a bit of fun, others saw it as a way to display their art, others as a way of finding others who wore fursuits (not all furries do this or want to do this) To others it was a way of exploring their sexuality... this is rather common given the fact that most of the furries tended to be hormone charged teenagers.
A note here: Furries have been around a very long time but are just becoming known to the mainstream world, there is an idea that all furries are gay, or follow sexualities outside what is widely considered to be "normal". However, in truth, I've found that being furry doesn't affect one's sexuality anymore than being involved in a cricket team or church would. Furry is not a sexuality at any point, even though it's widely and falsely thought that it is... even among many furries. However the gay furry world seems to be the more creative, from what I've seen, so by generating more content than the straight furries in a way promotes the idea that they're all gay.... not that there's anything wrong with that ;)
Also there's this word that people barely familiar with furries think is something scary in a sexual way, "Yiffing" but it just means "Making love" anyone can yiff, non-furries too... whisper it in your lovers ear "wanna yiff?" it's very sweet really, and the word is not offensive in any way... you cannot tell someone to "yiff off" it just doesn't work.
The furries. unlike the weres, would change their character, or fursona (I think that word appeared fairly recently) whenever they liked... often due to fashion or peer pressure, This week foxes were "in" but the next week it was skunks.
Furries tended to have a kind of humour that you might expect from teenagers high on sugar... not always, I preferred people who were more settled and thoughtful, the weres were more like that, and the side that I was more comfortable with.
The two groups were not always comfortable with each other, and some saw any crossover as an insult. Personally, although I did and still do, consider myself Were, I don't mind at all if someone calls me a furry.
Most of the weres seemed like gentle natured people, and I met some of them later on, in the real world... I've met many (local) people who I know from online, in real life, and formed solid friendships... you know, I don't understand how the internet is not "real life" too, afterall, it's just the phone system. If you phoned your boss and told him to fuck off, you couldn't excuse yourself the next day by saying "it was just on the phone, it's not real, gee... get a life, dude!"
Marko and I had found each other by now, via the Ozfurry forum which he'd started, We became very close, real life, friends. and he makes an appearance in "Alter Ego". Marko is also sometimes seen in the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras with a few other furries.
Oh, the word "Therianthropes" that's what we weres were. :) (See "Subculture")
BTW: I do resent that part there on Psychiatry, it's almost like calling gay people genetic mutants.
I'd like to mention Benny, my Malamute... dogs teach you things, and he helped me to grow further, Benny would howl, he loved it. The phone would get him started, we'd make the sund of one with our voices and he'd start, this was great really because mum was mostly deaf, having worked in weaving mills with no hearing protection, but she could hear Ben howl when she was outside with the washing and the phone went.
What Benny did was say that it was ok to howl like a wolf, he got everyone into it, we'd have people at our place howling their heads off, Benny "Kihzama Wotta Napitite" was a wonderful gift (In fact he was a christmas present from my Dad after my beloved Laddie, a German Shepherd X Collie had cancer and passed away) Benny gave us so much Joy, and helped ease the sadness when Dad passed away in 1998.
Benny passed away cruelly in 2005 of cancer, He was laying in the bathroom screaming in pain, I swear he was saying "Oh No Oh No Oh No" the sound still haunts me. It was like he was about to fall off a cliff and I couldn't do a thing to save him. two weeks later I would be diagnosed with cancer too. I fought hard for m Mother who'd seen enough pain due to the war years... but sometimes I think it was my time and I should have taken the hint and allowed nature to take it's course.
We adopted a stray Malamute who we named Katie, who'd been running free at Puckapunyal army base in Victoria, she was at the local vet and was due to be put down. Benny had to be put down, I wasn't about to let it happen to a perfectly healthy dog... who, I should say, Loves me to bits.
Therians? Yes they were a gentle lot, There's a thing.
There was an RPG at the time "Werewolf the apocalypse" which came as this fairly hefty book, had some nice art in it and I bought it for that alone, the gamers, as with movie goers were right into the hollywood blood and gore werewolves, but the therians were all so terribly nice, kind and generally polite.
Years ago I had a book on among other things, werewolf legends which were said to be true... as people believed in werewolves in the dark ages. However, not all the stories were of people being mnched on during a full moon, in fact in several cases, the werewolf was seen as a protective spirit... if not looking after farmers fields he'd be guarding a village, keeping it safe from harm.
A shame perhaps that none of this was ever used in movies.
And maybe here is where I have a bit of a moan, werewolf movies are bad, and do you know why? it's because they recycle and regurgitate the same old tired crap over and over again... this might surprise you, but the werewolf movie that I'm most fond of is Teen Wolf, because I feel it's the closest to how we are... sans the terrible makeup effects and that rubbish about basketball.
There is a Teen Wolf poster on my bedroom door, no kidding, it's been there since the movie was in the cinemas.
I'm sick of silver bullets, blood, uncontrollable urges, agonising pain during the transformation, that "war" with the vampires... why can't a werewolf be the nice guy for a change, perfectly happy, someone you'd invite around for a cup of tea, you know?
In fact I did try to write a story like this once, but writing is so hard.... I don't write much usually ;)
I did write a bit of fanfiction, just for practice, and it was well recieved at the time, but it was just for a bit of fun.
The next stop of course is Secondlife, the very first time that I could visualise my persona fully, and the first time the name "Rankin" would be adopted. "Wolfie!" was always a one name guy, Like Madonna or Cher, and the name always ended with a "!" almost like he was being yelled at for being a, Bad Dog. "Rankin" was an interesting choice as it's a real life family name too, although not my own.
Ryu and Kath from the previous mentioned forum where I posted my stories decided to set up an island in Secondlife, which they called Eragon, now I must admit, that had it been me, I would have chosen a unique name, because as everyone knows, the shine goes off a movie very quickly, and people move onto the next big thing.... it's actually why I'm reluctant to write my novel, because this is something extremely personal to me and I would hate to see my dream in a bargain bin for $3.00 at K-Mart, or have David and Margaret say the film version was awful, if I keep it to myself, it's safe, right?
Anyway the island was opened and we were really enjoying it, it was nice to have that visual element happening, and soon we were modifying our avatars to look like something we'd enjoy in real life, see, that's whats so great about secondlife, it's a way to display who you are, to wear your inside on the outside... not merely choose a stock character which you can modify slightly.
In 2006, after my struggle with chemo and radiation... Mum got sick, Oh she'd been sick for some time, easily winded. Interesting enough, during my chemo sessions, a doctor asked to look at her hands... her nails were bent and he said that was a sign of a lung problem. I urged Mum to see a doctor but she wouldn't. She would have three "attacks" where she couldn't breathe at all. I called the ambulance when it happened at home and unfortunately she recovered enough that she didn't go to hospital, where she may have been properly checked and may have recieved the medication which she should have had.
Mum was a strong woman who loved doing things for herself. She said that she felt like a fraud laying down all the time, and I knew that when I had started to pick up, I also felt this way and wanted to get up and do something, anything... a week before She'd had x-rays, and her lungs were cloudy, the doctor arranged catscans for her... yes we did eventually and with difficulty get her to see a doctor.
So, she was doing the housework and I let her go, in hindsight that was a very bad idea... but she "looked" ok.
She'd just washed the dishes, and turned on the TV to watch the afternoon shows. I had Secondlife on my laptop. She started chatting with me, then asked me to look at her... The sun shone through the window and through her hair, illuminating her... "I look good, don't I?" she said, She did. but moments later She said that she couldn't breathe. I called the ambulance, and my neighbour. She stopped breathing and I tried to keep her going with mouth to mouth, but I failed, She'd more or less drowned, it was a terrible way to go.
It was then that I noticed just how thin she really was, she'd been wasting away very slowly, and I hadn't noticed.
We never knew what took her, not that it really matters, I miss her terribly.
Online, I met Abi Goldflake via @Metaverseoz and ABC Island was started. I got to see bits of it coming together, and that was nice. I went there a few times with the lads and did some bad things like take over the island in the name of Eragon, dresed rather like Tim from the Goodies... I also posed on the mountains dressed as Frankenfurter from Rocky Horror... Oh yes, I have the pictures!
Then those of us who attended the opening were offered the chance to be admins, and that's how I started there.
I should say that I've been attached to ABC for quite a while, as I'm one of the regulars on the ABC science mailing list.
Anyway, I'm still very happy to be a "resident" of ABC Island, though my real home is the Kookaburra Pub in Eragon.
I was then involved in a doco for SBS called "Alter Ego" due to air on the 14th of December, really late... because of all the sex.
Filming it was a lot of fun though and I got to meet the talented director Shelley Matulick, and Her family... I even got my own theme music out of that, and a free space navigator which is a sort of joytick/mouse device for 3D apps, Shelley used it as her in-world camera when filming the doco.
The short story is that as much as I wanted to show ABC Island, SBS couldn't do that... so we made up something bizzare, which barely reflects any truth to my story, but "looks pretty".
And then, I got a chance to be in a movie, with @metaverseoz and @simon_kline from Secondlife. in Rachel Wards "Beautiful Kate". The scene lasted only a few seconds, but was great in that it showed Rachel Griffiths character using Secondlife in the very same way that most of us do.She was way out in the bush, there was nowhere to go, so she'd meet her friends online.Many people who simply cannot get out into the so-called "real world" due to distance or illness are happy to meet friends in Secondlife. It's not all that easy for me to go out either, partly because I still get very tired easily, that I have to rely on public transport and partly... mainly... because I'm a bit reclusive anyway and prefer to be at home.
So now I'm this big social media furry type person with thousands of adoring followers on twitter. ;)
... and the feeling is mutual.
If you ever need a hug from me, just ask and you'll get one, I can do it via twitter, but it's best on secondlife, and should there be that extroadinary occasion where we meet in real life, well I'll have one for you then too.
I hope this clears up a few things, if you have any questions, just ask below or follow me on twitter or facebook and ask me there. :)
Wolfie!
