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I can't fucking make myself work. I need to get shit done and I fucking can't do it. I've been in such a god damn funk lately.
Maybe it's depression...if it is then my antidepressants don't work very well.
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Rainy Thursday morning coffee
I should've slept off earlier. Particularly because I intend to take the bus tomorrow to office. But I guess that's not about happen. The rain has been pouring nonstop all night. My car's parked outside tonight of all the nights...pretty worrisome, especially knowing that the roads are so prone to flooding.
Anyway its 2.20 AM now and I've been wasting my time applying for listening to music, playing games and applying for digital signatures(weird...). So when I ran out of options I decided to read my fave RSS feeds. BTW, I use Google reader as my web aggregator. One of my favourite blogs has been cheese and beans. My reader is cluttered is feeds from mostly technology and mobile blogs, and this comes out as a fresh exception in the mundane tech list. I've been reading feeds for a while and have managed to bring down the number of unread feeds to 9. Now that's truly an achievement considering I have atleast 300+ feeds unread at any point of time.
What if it rains so hard that its a holiday tomorrow? Anyway I think I'll bid farewell to my plans of taking the bus, and take the car instead. Come on, its raining hard. I've been trying to take the bus from Monday, but something or the other keeps happening, just to make sure I don't. A blog post always warrants a cup of coffee? In fact, most things in life need a cup of coffee. In fact, coffee is one the best things that ever happened to civilization. Thanks to the unnamed shepherd. Did you know that Caffeine which is what makes coffee as stimulating as it is, is also called trimethylxanthine or C8H10N4O2 . Sounds pretty sophisticated...Just imagining that I'm going to indulge in a cup of Trimethylxanthine makes me feel powerful..Lol..
I really don't have much to write about so early in the morning. But I want a cup of coffee....
Truths about me
Over the past 5 - 7 years, I have done a lot of growing, so to speak - learned a few things about myself that I am usually hesitant to share with others. But I'm in a funk, so I'm sharing one of those truths here - now.
If I don't have something to challenge me, I get bored. Very bored. I do not like the routine of doing the same thing day after day. There have been several things that make this truth very obvious if you know me at all. I am forever 'leaving' this blog or that blog, or I am depressed, or I'm fighting with Daniel. Really, I'm bored. Multiply is great because it's easy to learn - which also made it boring very early on; hence, I'm not here much. Blogger was more of a challenge to learn but it was also the first place I was. I hadn't blogged before that. Of course, that blog has long since been deleted. Now, I have a different blogger, a WordPress, a Multiply, (and a couple I won't name because that's why I have them - lol). Also, facebook, myspace and twitter for socializing. Not to mention facebook and twitter for the church and a website (however, not that great - YET).
But, I'm bored. Like out of my mind bored. So I stop getting online and start doing something else. And then I have the family coming to my facebook 'are you okay Donna?' 'where are you Donna?" "are you mad?" blah blah blah.
My boss started a conversation yesterday and, honestly, I don't even know how it got around to this subject but it did. Now she's thinking I want to quit, which - even if I did.... Hello?! Christmas is right around the corner, I CAN'T quit right now! lol The paper has no challenge at all. InDesign has been learned and we have that thing down to a fine art. We could really get the paper (it's a once a week thing) out in 2 days - easy. This week my co-worker had to be out all week for a family funeral and I did the paper by myself. I did it in 2 1/2 days. Not what I'd call a challenge. There wasn't even that sense of 'omg I have to do the whole paper by myself!!' feeling-thing.
I'm not saying I want 'problems', just some challenge. Something new to learn. Something exciting to work towards. Something to make me think and want to do it. You know what I mean, jellybean?
8 Comments
freyavalkyrie wrote on Oct 29
I totally understand the bored thing. I blog once in awhile but that's about it.
donnak wrote on Oct 30
Where are you hanging out nowadays if you aren't here?
zfrog wrote on Oct 30
So what you are saying is you need a country to rule to keep things interesting
donnak wrote on Oct 30
LOL I don't think that's the kind of 'challenge' I'm looking for... *walks away laughing*
epistling wrote on Oct 30
It is a good Thanksgiving is coming up for your guys. Here is some worth while homework:
1. list all the accomplishments you have mastered in the last year.
2. list reasons you are NOT bored with a life filled with
3. list what does fill you up
4. list people who you appreciate
5. list reasons why said people are important to YOU
6. make a bucket list
7. breathe, smell the roses, sip your coffee/wine slowly, smile, hug, laugh
8. plan thanksgiving dinner down to the quotes of thankfulness you find and print out on place cards for each person attending to read aloud. Make them personal for each person, even the children and dogs.
9. Mentally bless those who hold you dear and who you hold dear
10. Remember you are exactly in the place you are supposta be.
((((hugs))))
osuzana wrote on Oct 30
I have thought about this all morning and I think we all go through it to some degree. Especially those of us who like the internet and have been in a blogging community for so long. I see people leaving every day to go to social sites like twitter and facebook because lets face it when blogging was new it took a long time to get bored with it. When everyone got so many people they all of a sudden realized it wasn't that feasible to have 200 contacts and have been whittling down their contacts ever since. But when you keep a small group you get to know them well and so there is not that much diverse reading. We could hop from one thing to another but you would have to do it by yourself because lets face it a lot of people like one area or another and stick with it because it is much easier.
I know you are talking about life in general but that is just one aspect of your boredom. I used to say just quit it or pull yourself up and go on but having had some depression myself I can't do that any more. Maybe you need to talk to your doc about getting something to help you.
I think another thing is the holidays looming before us which is a busy time for you and Daniel and it can just be overwhelming before it even gets here. Why don't you guys sit down and start on the Christmas stuff early. Decide what you are doing for the church, drag the Christmas stuff out early and make your plans for the church so you don't have to do everything last minute.
You could check on your friends more often. That would take some time or are you saying we are boring too? lol
Another thing is I thought of a nice favor for the parishioners. You might make a 12 month calendar they could hang on the wall or stick in a drawer. It could be the size of matte photo paper, you could take a picture of the whole congregation and put it at the bottom of the calendar. I think I may have a template for that.
Pull up that photoshop program you have and start reading some tutorials on that. You could do the calendars in that program. You could also do your own Christmas cards or Christmas post cards. Google How to make a christmas card in photoshop and there are a lot of how tos Here is one here
There are so many things I feel I have to do and I am getting to the point where I want to be selfish and do what I want to do. Sometimes I just go through the motions.
bonobubba wrote on Oct 31
I'm really good at being bored.. which is good, cause I'm bored a lot... got no life at all...
osuzana wrote on Oct 31
Hahaha, you gotta get out there and get a hobby dale.
Uhh
Uhh, I'm kind of at a loss for words. I wanted to post something, but nothing really new or exciting has happened.
Follow me on twitter
and on my other twitter account. (tech news)
-csiCJ
I'm so bored I...
I have despised twitter ever since I first heard of it. It's useless. I don't know why anyone would want to share everything they do or why anyone would care to find out. I thought it was ridiculous. I still do.
I believe Facebook changed its look about half a year ago to the tabbed, live stream, what's on your mind format. I loved the tabs idea because it meant I didn't have to look at all those stupid flashy applications I saw on everyones pages. The live stream was cool too but at the time I didn't really care for the idea of a home page with info on everyone else. This was due mainly to the change in the way people could update their status. If I remember correctly, status updates were originally either on the side of the page under the profile picture or next to the name at the top of the profile page. Either way changing your status was awkward compared to the new changes. Now updating your status is as easy as posting on someone else's wall. Also posting has changed to sharing. Now since updating status has been made so easy its being done nonstop. I was so annoyed with all the updates on the home page that at one point I hid everyone so my home page would be nice and empty.
Eventually, a time came when I was bored and had nothing to do. My mind swayed to Facebook and I began unhiding people from my wall.... just to see what was going on. I started reading peoples posts, taking quizzes others had taken, playing games on Facebook, etc. and yada yada yada I started posting my own status updates regularly. Many said the new status update was just Facebook trying to get people to stop using twitter. When I found out what twitter was I had to agree. Its still pretty much useless. This summer I posted a lot of status updates and I kind of annoyed myself by posting so many. So I slowed down and tried not to go on Facebook so much.
I finished up my internship at Cisco last week. I had a great time. I learned a lot and kept busy. I've been home since Friday with nothing to do. Mostly everyone I know is either out of town or back at school already and I am bored again. So bored that I always find myself wanting to post a status update on Facebook. I know its not really a bad thing but I don't want to think that I'm annoying others with my meaningless status updates. The problem is I need something to do.
It's sad that the solution I have found to my boredom is something I hate with a passion. I got a twitter today. If you are really interested in following the dullness that is my life you can follow me at http://twitter.com/krisharmas. I still hate twitter. It's just helping me cope with the boredom before I head back to school. I'm going to post the status updates I would have posted on Facebook on twitter so as not to annoy others and myself whenever I log into Facebook.
I guess I'll start tweeting now. Good God what have I done?
Untitled
Now for the walk out, ignore and hope to go without notice. Pretty bored sitting at a table all by myself. Home at least has Internet
via Ping.fm
background music to motivate
i've been doing a great deal of accounting work lately and while doing the data entry i went looking for something to listen to on the web
something that could run in the background and not be intrusive, but could also motivate on occasion
last.fm is on the lips of the twitterati
i started there
i saved a few songs
radio stations are easy to use
i have to have an account
i can cruise for events
check out videos and more
i heard someone at work mention pandora
pandora on the other hand rocks
no account, no login
free music for hours each month
only fail
a new window opens to show me every time i add a favorite
create an instant radio station
quick, simple, excellent solution
when all you want is background music to motivate
i chose pandora
last.fm is for when i have time to be more engaged
recommendation:
pandora - simple, quick, easy
